


Who Am I To Keep You Down

by PrincessAmericaChavez



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Because of Reasons, Cute, Drabble, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Jealousy, Late Night Conversations, oh boy so much fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-08-09 05:37:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16443899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrincessAmericaChavez/pseuds/PrincessAmericaChavez
Summary: Jester has a very important question, but she's afraid of the answers she might get.





	Who Am I To Keep You Down

 

> _Now here you go again, you say_  
>  _You want your freedom_  
>  _Well who am I to keep you down_  
>  _It's only right that you should_  
>  _Play the way you feel it_

She waits until everyone else is sleeping. It doesn't take too long, everyone is exhausted after their fight with the Hydra. Minutes after they've all settled down inside Caleb's bubble hut, she can hear a collection of snores filling the air. Only then, when she knows it's only Fjord and her awake for their watch, does she dare make the question, without warning or conversation to lead to it, because if she doesn't do it  _now_ she'll never have the guts again.

"Fjord," she whispers, sitting so close to him that she can feel his arm brush against hers, with her eyes locked on the darkness outside the bubble, "do you like Avantika?"

He doesn't answer immediately. He never does when he thinks an answer is important. She can feel him shift slightly but still doesn't dare look at him. 

"I don't trust her as far as I can throw her," he says after a pause that feels eternal. "I'm not sure of where her true intentions lay."

"But do you  _like_ her," Jester insists, frustrated. "I mean, do you like her like her."

She ventures a glance at him and sees his brow furrowed with confusion. Her heart is beating so hard against her chest, she fears it will shatter in a million pieces like a caramel lollipop crashing against a wall.

"I mean, I wouldn't blame you if you did, you know," she goes on quickly, when she can't take the silence anymore. "I mean, she's pretty cool, yeah? And strong, and badass. And she's- I guess she's very hot too."

"I- I guess... I guess she is," Fjord mumbles and even in the darkness, she can notice his cheeks darkening with a blush. 

Jester can almost hear her own heart falling apart.

"It's okay if you like her," her eyes return to the darkness, unable to look at that him anymore. That frustrated expression is usually her favorite one on him, but not like this.

"It is?"

"Yeah. Of course. I mean, why wouldn't it be okay, you know?"

"Would... would  _you_ be okay with that, Jester?" Fjord asks, and it hurts again because it sounds like he's asking her for  _permission_. He really does want this.

So Jester swallows back all the pain and hurt, like a bitter mouthful, and forces herself to shrug and smile. 

"Why wouldn't I be? I mean, if you really really really like her and she makes you happy... I would like for you to be happy, of course. So... I mean, why would I not be totally fine with it, totally, right?"

There's another long silence, but this time she doesn't dare break it, because she's afraid that her voice will betray her. She keeps looking into the darkness, feeling like there's a hole in her chest where her heart used to rest, and a burning acid pit in her stomach. She clenches her hands on her lap, holds them there, imagines the Traveler by her side to give herself strength. She meant it. She wants Fjord to be happy. Even if it hurts.

"Beau said... Beau said you might be jealous," Fjord says suddenly, voice tentative. 

" _Jealous_?!" Jester jumps, looks at him wide-eyed and feeling her cheeks burn. "Why-why-why would I- I mean. What- Of- Of what?"

"That's what I asked her too," Fjord shrugs, looking genuinely confused. 

_Oh, Traveler, he has no idea._

"What did she say?"

"Nothing, we kinda got sidetracked," he sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. "Are you, though? Jealous?"

" _No,"_ Jester makes a face as if the mere idea was stupid. "No, of course not. I mean, unless," something beats were her heart shattered a second ago, a million pieces of lingering hope, "do you want me to- I mean, hypothetically, do you think I  _should_ be jealous, hypothetically?"

"No, gods no," Fjord shakes his head, scrunching his nose. 

"Re-Really?"

"I don't see why you should be," he shrugs. "I mean, you're right about Avantika being pretty cool, but so are you, Jester."

"I  _am_ pretty cool, too, right?" She smiles.

"Definitely. I've seen you do amazing things ever since we met. Whatever you think Avantika's got that you don't, you ain't got nothing to worry about."

It's like emerging from under the water to take a breath of fresh air. Relief washes over her and Jester doesn't realize how much everything inside her had been hurting, bracing for loss, until some of that tension is finally released. She almost wants to cry, but she grapples her self control tightly enough to hold her feelings back a little longer.

"And," Fjord adds, with an inviting tone, as he leans closer as if to share a secret, and a shiver spreads through Jester's back when she feels his warm breath brush her ear, "I trust  _you._ "

"Yeah?" She turns around to look at him, realizes too late how close his face is, but for once he doesn't pull away.

His eyes meet hers, full of earnest honesty, and when he speaks his voice has that old accent he had when they met.

"More than anyone in this world, with my eyes closed."

Jester smiles, and it feels like the sun warming the sea early in the morning, turning it into a golden mirror. Something inside her chest flowers, right on the empty spot where her candy heart used to be. Whatever blooms there, is brighter and stronger than before, than rubies and sapphires and gold.

"Thanks, Fjord," she whispers back, breathless. Then, recovers with a lighter expression. "I promise I will be very very trustworthy to you and I will try very hard not to prank you too much."

He laughs, a little too loudly, and the sound echoes across the dark cavern. What a wonderful sound.

"Thanks, Jester," he chuckles and gives her a wink that Jester catches and stores right next to her new reformed heart along with every other one he's given her. 

Bet Avantika doesn't get _those_ either. 


End file.
